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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Kankles, Karma and Kittens

Friends, there's something about me that you should know:  I'm a wussy, cry baby, whiney pants.

I'm talkin' cranky baby squared!  And to prove my point, I'd like to present you with some ex-post facto - which is Latin for "Lord, that girl can complain!"  So, pay attention, there will be a quiz later.

Fact #1:  I'm in a circus-type tent in the middle of a cow pasture for this Fall's Antiques Week.

Fact #2:  All of my vintage crap, I mean merchandise, is placed in and around said circus tent.

Fact #3:  It is hurricane season.

Fact #4:  It has been raining off and on for the past 4 days.

Fact #5:  I have taken up yoga to calm my over-caffeinated mind and slim my over-fed body.

Fact #6:  There are fire ants in my socks.

Fact #7:  I'm a teensy weensy bit allergic to said ants of the fire persuasion - I have "kankles," which the urban dictionary defines as calves that become feet without taking an ankle break.

Fact #8:  Flea markets and antique shows medical facilities usually have to shoulder other responsibilities.  For example, the First Aid slash Central Office slash concession booth that administered a dose of Benadryl to me came with a kettle corn chaser and a bar-b-que'd turkey leg - now that's health care reform!

Fact #9:  And before any of that happened, our new kitty decided today would be a good day to have violently explosive diarrhea . . . in my tennis shoe . . . 

So, here are the 2 questions on my little quiz:

How many downward-facing dogs will have to do to find my center?  And, how many hours will I have to sit and rub my blanky against my cheek to find my happy place again?

Photo courtesy Consumerfriendly

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Nichole Loiacono said...

Oh sister, I'm not sure any downward dogging is going to be able to fix all that. Try some wine.

Pinecone Camp said...

Lord, I don't think a simple "downward dog" will help. I would say a glass of red wine (like the lovely Nicole said), some bad magazines and a hot bath. Take care of those kankles!! Love that word.

stash said...

Back away from the downward dogs. I'm also going to vote for alcohol except I would advocate the harder stuff, like tequila. And when I stop by and see you in the next day or so, I will regale you with tales of our week with includes me throwing out my shoulder and an electrical fire and our AC going out and an episode at the dr office that led to a 911 call and the seizure that caused me to see my life pass before my eyes. But the important thing is that we have our tequila and our good humor or as my husband fondly refers to them, our coping mechanisms.

Bohemian said...

OMG I'm so glad I found your Blog... fits of laughter always make my day, especially when I'm in a wussy, cry baby, whiney pants mood... *Menopause is the Devil*!!!

Dawn... The Bohemian

Unknown said...

OMG that is the funniest post I have read in a long time. ALLLLL true! You don't really know until you have actually had all those things happen to you...minus the cat throw up in my shoes!